What's this? It's all squirmy...
What's this? An alien umbilical cord?
You're the one that put it in, you eat it!
No.
Young ones, you mustn't waste food.
Ozu, you put chocolate in the damn napkins, didn't you?
Hanuki-san, you put in beer, didn't you?
You caught me? But it deepens the flavor, don't you think?
It's already so deep I can't tell what tastes like what.
I'm sorry, but may I open the curtain for a bit?
If you insist...
Impressive, as always, Master.
Speaking of which, what kind of training is this?
No one knows what the future holds in life.
We must take that endless bit of darkness and turn it to our advantage.
This is practical training for doing just that.
Drinking it in the dark, it's not like beer at all.
Hanuki-san is a mysterious dental hygienist who comes and goes under Master Higuchi.
She lives on ethyl alcohol and Castellas,
and has a habit of getting drunk and licking people's faces.
If you're drinking with Hanuki-san, you'd better be prepared for an endless night of hell.
I was once freely dragged all around Kiyamachi,
and when I came to I was collapsed near the Ebisugawa power plant all alone...
And Ozu was a person without even a single point of praise.
He could eat three helpings of people's misfortune.
Although only 15 minutes earlier than me, he's Master Higuchi's first disciple,
"Arrogant"
"Selfish"
"Lazy"
and he takes glory in this meaningless lifestyle.
"Perverse"
Why didn't Akashi-san come?
It seems she has a report she can't get out of.
I have a report I can't get out of too, you know!
Indeed, after neglecting my studies
and spending all day "training" for things, surrounded by these worthless faces,
I have made a complete mess of my first two years of college life.
I have a question that must be put to the person responsible for this!
Where is the one responsible?
"Will the responsible party come forward!"
J-pwq
Then I was a brand-spanking new freshman university student
and before me lay open countless doors to that rose-colored campus life.
However, at that time I had a bad premonition.
"Disciples Wanted"
Because I could not envision
those suspicious-looking fliers leading to some glorious future.
I must not reach out for these fliers!
In fact, I should get as far away as possible!
However, I was not able to escape.
"Disciples Wanted"
With the clairvoyance to pick out fair maidens from the crowds of Gion,
and the devil's ears that let not even the sound of sakura falling into the canals slip past,
I am Higuchi Seitarou!
Come, ye youths of limitless possibility!
Yes, Master!
My bad premonition was right on the mark.
I held a position of not opening up my heart to anyone,
But as Master Higuchi lived in Yuusuisou, the same boarding house as I, we hit it off,
and the fact that I was just old enough to drink helped immediately...
"'Myself' is over 20 years old. Ozu did not imbibe."
Before long the walls came down and I was enjoying myself.
And as a result of our heated arguments over boobs until dawn...
The question is not whether it is real breast or not.
What matters is whether you believe it.
Switch, on!
One, two, three!
...I ended up becoming his second disciple.
Of course that was the only time our Master ever treated us to alcohol.
Being the disciple of Higuchi Seitarou...
I'm still not clear as to what I'm a disciple in even after these two years.
And if you looked under the cover,
Master Higuchi was no hermit-master or anything, but just some eighth-year student.
Like how animals that live long lives feel somewhat uncanny,
our master had this mysterious air about him unlike a normal person's.
He wore the same yukata and tall geta everywhere he went all year round,
and he knew 100 places to cool off in the summer.
He couldn't speak anything other than Japanese
but could converse cordially with people in any country,
and there were times he perceived things that normal people did not.
His body was light, and incredible.
That being the case, he didn't participate in anything,
only focusing intently on living life day-to-day.
His was a frighteningly gentlemanly manner, perhaps the pinnacle of buffoonery.
However, he had a weakness.
He had library fines.
Our Master was being targeted
by a secret collection organization known as the Library Police.
Helping him escape from them was our duty as his disciples.
The fiend!
Besides the Library Police, Master also had an ongoing battle with a man named Jougasaki.
What color?
Pink.
Master called this battle the "Masochistic Proxy-Proxy War."
And as the name implies, it was a "war" of the tiniest,
pettiest, stupidest things you could imagine.
It seems that five years ago there was some deep strife between the two
which caused the opening shots to be fired.
And we, as his disciples, were wrapped up in this pointless struggle.
"Glued"
For example, when we had 20 plates of sushi delivered,
he'd invite over a bunch of exchange students for a sushi party
and me and Ozu would split the bill.
In short, it was always us who got the short end of the stick.
I wondered if wasting my precious youth helping with this stuff was a good thing,
but each day and the next I worked hard to pay him back.
Kaori!
K-Kaori!
Jougasaki is a perverted man the same year as Master Higuchi
and the head of the movie circle,
but it's still uncertain what grudge they have between them.
The journey is over.
"Goal"
What's this?
In the chaos just after the war in the Pacific,
med students that stole the technique
behind tortoise-shaped scrubbing brushes from Nishio Market
created a mystical cleaning weapon from the fibers of a palm that grew in Taiwan.
The tips of the fiber were both stiff and supple;
it seemingly used the Van der Waals force to bind dirt particles.
And so this company was put under pressure by detergent makers for fear of losing sales.
As its power to clean was considered too great a threat, it was banished to the depths of history;
However, seems like someone continues to make them even now, in secret.
I wish to obtain one of these mystical tortoise scrubbing brushes.
"Demachi Futaba Mame-mochi"
This is another part of your training.
"Shuugoin Nama Yatsuhashi"
"Nishimura Eisei Boro"
Our master has required many things prior to this, and we were always supplying him.
"Ox-drawn cart of ancient pine"
"Ueda Sweets Factory Conpa-Rusk"
"Remembrance of Kamesuehiro"
"Ueno Liquor Shop Tsubame Sauce"
"Nishiri Senmai-zuke"
This is the final test.
Please do whatever you can to get it by tomorrow at noon.
If you don't, you're expelled.
Perhaps I thought of it while cleaning the 4.5 tatami room,
but it's something I did wish could be made a reality.
The Master's room was so dirty that at just that one glance,
a lady of sheltered upbringing would surely swoon. It was a disaster.
"Never heard of it"
I wouldn't be surprised if it was some life form
"You don't plan to buy anything?"
"Are you makin' fun of me, idiot?"
that had never previously existed on the Earth's surface that secretly evolved.
"Hey, bring the salt!"
Coming all the way to the Sanjou Bridge, as it was lunch time, I saw fish and onions lined up.
I thought I'd rather shoot fireworks at them,
but I had a feeling like I'd already done that,
which made my uneasiness all the more indescribable.
When I came to I had moved to Kiyamachi,
and despite it still being mid-day, an old fortune teller was spreading out her eerie aura.
The fortunes of this creature must surely be spot on.
You're back?
What do you mean, back?
You are unsatisfied.
Because you have fiercely earnest talent.
I tip my hat to the old woman's insight.
Anyway, I feel there's an opportunity you can't let slip away.
Grab the opportunity dangling in front of your eyes.
That'll be 4,000 yen.
This is getting more and more abridged.
Our master made us do all kinds of meaningless things in the name of "training,"
and most of them made no sense.
I thought a countless number of times, "Why am I doing this?"
And I couldn't help but think, "If only I hadn't met the Master..."
Why shouldn't I just expel myself?
Senpai!
Akashi-san is a first year in the engineering department like Ozu, and a younger disciple.
A mystical tortoise scrubbing brush?
I don't even know if it actually exists.
You mustn't give up so easily.
Let us search!
The old man I'd asked before, who was like a boiled octopus,
acted nice like he'd just found Princess Kaguya in a bamboo shoot.
The man who runs a general store in West Kinichiba might know something.
Perhaps the owner of the general store facing Bukkouji road.
The man who runs the old book store over there might know something.
The used utensil shop in Shinkyougoku might know.
Akashi-san was quite skilled at information-gathering,
and narrowed down the location of the tortoise.
And then.
Excuse me!
We're searching for the mystical tortoise scrubbing brush.
Um...
Do you know anything about the mystical...
Where did you hear of that?
Master Higuchi.
Wait a moment.
T-That's...
Um, how much for it?
Perhaps I will ask 100,000 yen.
Hell if I'm buying that.
No scrubbing brush is worth 100,000 yen.
It's not something you'd wash in a sink of a 4.5 tatami boarding house covered in sludge.
Enough. I give up on the scrubbing brush.
I'm finally expelled.
That Master is not going to cut the thread so trivially.
I will ask him as well.
If I can become a circle with you...
"At the public bath"
T-That's...
Farewell triangle; I'll come back sometime, square.
Circle X triangle... Always a dead space.
The world tends to 4 sides, 4 faces, 5 sides, 6 sides, turkey.
Search for the circle...
To learn how not to become a circle...
It might be nowhere.
It might be somewhere.
You don't know either...
On this Kamo River.
Search for the circle...
Search for the circle.
While I was listening to my Master's song,
I suddenly had a feeling like he would be going somewhere far away.
Higuchi-kun and Jougasaki-kun were here earlier.
It had been a long time since they'd met.
Jougasaki-san's pretty cool, isn't he?
Really?
I don't think Higuchi-kun is all that different, myself.
I can't believe that.
Jougasaki-kun hasn't had any other friends than Higuchi-kun since long ago.
You know, I think that Higuchi-kun is going to make you his successor.
I've already been expelled.
And I don't think I'm suited to living in such a shrewd manner.
It all began when two high school seniors were rivals in love.
It's said that it was a drinking contest with unrefined sake,
but the details are already lost to the depths of history.
And so this battle dragged on for a long time,
and they refused to let it drop without coming to a conclusion.
So in their utter desperation, they thought up the Proxy War.
They forgot the reason for the battle's beginning,
and, without regard to changes in society, passed it down through successors.
Technically it's called the Masochistic Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-
Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy- Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy-Proxy War.
Why are we talking about this?
You're taking it over, see.
When I came back, there was a bag left in my room I did not know.
T-This is...
Funds for continuing the Proxy War?
I don't know what's what anymore.
It was precisely the amount of money needed to buy the tortoise brush!
Should I take the Eizan Electric up to Kurama and hide it near Ushiwakamaru?
Or should I take the Kyoto-Osaka and head around Naniwa with some raven-haired maidens?
This was called Mochiguman, and Akashi-san had once told me she had lost it.
It seems they come in sets of five and she lost one.
Please grab the opportunity that is dangling in front of you.
"A Dream Date with Akashi-san"
I will let myself be expelled!
With this 100,000 yen I should return to the life I deserve!
You've done well.
With this you have cleared the final test!
Perhaps I did everything the Master said these past two years just to see this smile.
There is a ceremony now.
Come with me, you.
Master, I have something important to...
A dual on the Kamooohashi.
The Proxy-Proxy War will continue with you.
Please, wait!
Ah, you two.
I will see this through.
Okay then, let's go.
And so the cannons were readied for the decisive battle.
Jougasaki came walking from the Nishimusubu side.
The two soon met in the center of the Kamooohashi.
Oh, Akashi-san?
Greetings.
We meet again. How are you feeling?
Thanks to you, I'm fit and healthy.
So you are one of the Higuchi's?
Yes. I became his disciple last fall.
And isn't that my disciple, Ozu?
He's my proxy, the one who will succeed me.
You might have thought he was your disciple,
but he was actually my spy, you see.
Did I fool you?
Ya got me.
Sorry 'bout that, Master.
That is unprecedented in the history of the Masochistic Proxy-Proxy War.
Your name will be etched into history.
Things sure dragged out for a long time.
Was it five years? Or more?
I've forgotten. It's been a battle of so many years.
Ozu was active in all fields, and despite filming a hit-piece on Jougasaki,
it seems he also dyed Master Higuchi's yukata pink,
and played the part of a meaningless double agent.
So this guy is your proxy?
Yes. Thank you.
Wait a second!
Well then, let's do it.
Yeah.
Get it over with already!
The battle started with such a flat phrase.
In a moment's breath the two clashed!
Let's do it!
Fine by me!
Rock-Paper-Scissors!
Okay, it's over!
Jougasaki-kun won, so Ozu-kun goes first next!
The weight has finally been lifted from my shoulders.
What are you going to do now?
I'm leaving on a journey.
Hey, Hanuki. Higuchi is spouting some nonsense.
For now, I plan on circling the globe once.
Will you come with me, Hanuki?
You can speak English, right?
Don't be crazy. This is foolishness.
You have money?
I have the prize money from the Shimanami Cup.
You, sorry about this, but please clean up the room with this.
And so my Master disappeared with the wind.
Want to go out for a drink?
Finally in the mood?
You're the one who spends all that money on your love-doll.
Where did you learn about that?
Ozu-kun. He tells me everything.
Why that little...
What is his real story anyway?
No!
I thought I might rather jump into the Kamo River.
Or maybe run away from Kyoto to Murotomisaki and obtain enlightenment.
I look forward to our time together...
T-This is...
I apologize if you were supposed to bat first.
Let's continue to play nice and dirty.
The first shot of the Proxy-Proxy War had been fired.
Being caught by Master Higuchi in front of that clock tower
was surely a turning point in my fate.
If I had joined some other circle, I would have surely spent quite a different two years.
Clearly meeting Ozu was my greatest mistake.